thoughts

What is life if we are never uncomfortable? We put so much effort and concern into avoiding discomfort. The right footwear, a warm enough jacket, an umbrella if it's supposed to rain. When is the last time you were caught in the rain without an umbrella? 

Last week it was raining heavily and as I drove along Dupont in the comfort of a dry and cozy car, I saw a cyclist completely drenched, speeding along in the opposite direction. It made me think of being caught  out of my comfort zone, unprepared. I imagined it was me on the bike, bare, cold hands gripping tightly to the slippery handlebars. Squinting as the rain whipped my face and wondering to myself...am I going to make it? I thought about how alive and triumphant I would feel when I did make it. I imagined arriving home and smiling at my reflection, soaked but with a renewed self confidence. 

I tried to remember the last time I had that feeling, and couldn't. The last time I was thrown for a loop...or challenged unexpectedly. I reflected on the amount of time I spend worrying, stressing, preparing, in order to avoid any such circumstance. I realized how much of my focus is on ensuring maximum comfort and preparedness for myself. My aversion to the unknown (or potentially feeling uncomfortable) is perhaps what guides me, and takes up a considerable amount of energy. It has me thinking that taking and/or planning for the path of least resistance is holding me back. From real and meaningful decisions and experiences. And from the feeling of truly believing in myself.